That you exist

That you exist is what I want to believe. That there is more to you than these shadows coming back to me as dreams. That you were more than my lonely mind’s companion during those dark but oh so beautiful hours. That is what I want to believe. I sit still in traffic as I wait for car lights to take the place of sunlight, and I wonder if you were really here. I imagine your laughter and those sleepy eyes with your boyish smile and try to place them in a place I know, in a place that seems real. I am drowning between flashes of yellow and red, not quite aware I am. As I look around me, I see, in the backseat, the little girl staring at what could be stars if it wasn’t so bright because of the city lights, and remember, not so long ago, I used to be the girl playing to catch stars. I look at the sky and wonder if it is possible you are among them in a place I can’t see, staring back at me, because there is no place around me where you could possibly be. And the beginning of us comes back in reverse, as days seem like months, maybe years, and everything that was real seems more and more unreal. That what happened to you didn’t erase me at all, that you leaving like you did doesn’t make any of it go away… that somewhere, someday, you and I will once again meet, but most of all, that somewhere out there, you exist. That, is what I want to believe. 

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