Inside an empty head

It is not human to feel the way I do. It is not right to want what I want to do. Could I choose to be someone else in a different place and time and still be faithful to my true self? Why would this desire come striking me hard and keeping me awake if it wasn’t meant to be? Why am I still here if I’m supposed to be somewhere else?

I think I should disappear. I should tear my eyes out and forget to see what’s real so the only thing left to see were my dreams. I should forget to see you, and remember how it felt like to dream and never look back. No regrets, no doubts no misinterpretations of what words mean or do not mean. Oh, how I wish I could leave it all behind!

It is not fair to live holding back. It is not right to live as if we had many days ahead. I should take the high way and walk at the brink of disaster… just enough to make my heart beat fast, just enough to make sure it’s never slowing down.

As the day gives into night, I think about the excuses that keep me tied down to this room, to this place, to the morning I’ll wake up to tomorrow. All the dreams slipping away wave goodbye; tired of being kept in my head… tired of not been given life. They fade away under the darkening sky leaving me inside an empty head: a busy and hurried head with no time for closing my eyes.

Could it be this is all there is in store for me? Is this really what’s meant to be?

How I wish there was more than this…